


On the silver screen

by Lokkanel



Category: SKAM (Norway)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Declarations Of Love, Director Even, Film Festival, Heartbreak, M/M, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-28
Updated: 2019-09-28
Packaged: 2020-10-29 22:57:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,033
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20804375
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lokkanel/pseuds/Lokkanel
Summary: Isak was really not in the mood for this. He had a long week at work, and all he wanted was to relax with his friend, drink a few beers, maybe even smoke some weed and just chill. But no. When Jonas called him to say that he won tickets to the coolest indie film festival in Oslo, Isak knew he could forget his plans for a quiet and simple weekend.





	On the silver screen

**Author's Note:**

> This is the fist time I write something like this... I began reading fics recently whithout ever thinking I would write one myself but then this idea came into my head and lingered there until I figured, why not give it a try ?  
Sooo I had no idea what I was doing really, and english not being my first language, it was difficult to convey everything I imagined into writting. I'm quite nervous to post this but I hope you'll like it :)

Damn Jonas.

Isak was really not in the mood for this. He had a long week at work, and all he wanted was to relax with his friend, drink a few beers, maybe even smoke some weed and just chill. But no. When Jonas called him to say that he won tickets to the coolest indie film festival in Oslo, Isak knew he could forget his plans for a quiet and simple weekend. He had bailed on Jonas too many times recently, not wanting to go out and see other people. Isak knew he would not let go this time. Also, Jonas had always wanted to go to this festival so, even if Isak was really not into that kind of event, which he knew was going to be filled with pretentious hipsters – he can stand Jonas being one, that's how much he loves his best friend, but it really annoys him when it's other people – he figured he had to do that for his friend.

The theater was packed with people drinking wine, talking lively about cinema, technical terms he didn't understand, filmmakers he’d never heard of, and he instantly felt like he didn't belong. The simple annoyance of attending such an event was soon replaced by a wave of anxiety.

“Hey dude, relax... Jonas whispered when he felt Isak stiffen next to him. We're just gonna see a few films, have some drinks, and I promise you this will be fun.”

“Well, easy for you to say, you're the one into those artsy indie movies... But what am I supposed to say to those people debating the influence of the french _ Nouvelle Vague _ on young norwegian directors, what the fuck ?!”

“Come on ! Even I think those are just pretentious showoffs. Most people are just here to have a good time and won't judge you if you're not an expert.”

Isak just grumbled, trying to compose himself not to look too awkward.

“Thank you for being here with me, said Jonas. I missed doing things just the two of us...”

“Yeah I know, sorry I've been so busy lately...”

“Don't worry about it, I'm just glad you're here now... Shall we go find our seats ?”

“Yeah ok, let's go.”

\---

They had seen a couple of movies and a selection of short films, everything was not to Isak's taste but he really made an effort to try and enjoy them, and he listened to Jonas enthusiastic ramble between each screenings with an amused fondness.

The day was almost coming to an end, they were having a drink, chatting and mingling with people – ok, maybe not all of them were pretentious showoffs – and Isak was finally relaxing and having a good time.

“So, this last movie should be interesting”, said Liv, a young woman in the group they had been hanging out with for the last part of the day, “The director is very young and it's only his first feature-film. It's so rare they get to present debut works here, other than short films. I heard it was quite raw still, but very promising”

The group resumed chatting joyfully, surrounded by the sounds of people talking, glasses clinking together, distant music... When Liv looked up somewhere behind where Isak was standing and exclaimed :

“Oh, I think it's him !”

“What are you talking about ?” her boyfriend Eirik asked.

“Tonight's very promising young director” she answered, visibly excited.

“Well, talented and handsome I see, how unfair !” Eirik laughed, visibly amused by how Liv was visibly smitten by the man.

She burst out laughing and shoved him lightly. Isak sensed everyone's attention drawn to the mystery man somewhere behind him but before he could turn around to satisfy his own curiosity, he was suddenly stopped in his movement. Frozen.

When he heard it.

This sound.

This laugh.

His laugh.

\---

This laugh was the first thing that had drawn Isak to him all those years ago. He was in the cafeteria of Nissen high school with his friends, listening to another one of Magnus' insane stories, this time about how he was sure he'd kissed a girl with a fake tongue, when he heard a laugh. He looked up and he saw him, seated with his feet up on a table, listening to Vilde trying to enroll him in Kosegruppa.

Isak had felt like something had just been ignited deep inside of him and had been unable to look away, entirely fascinated by the boy, the most handsome boy he had ever seen, and by that smile. That beautiful smile he was giving Vilde. Until...

Until the boy looked at him.

And that is when everything changed. 

They met the next friday night, shared a joint until Emma came and tried to make Isak her baking partner. Isak spent the next few days trying to learn everything he could about him, which wasn't easy, as the boy was not on any social medias. He ended up watching a video of him from when he was still in Bakka, again and again and again. On a sleepless night he even watched a film by the director he named as his favorite in the video, Baz Luhrmann. Alone in his room, he surrendered to his feelings and shed a tear when Romeo and Juliet met their tragic deaths.

He began falling for the boy, fast, when they spent an afternoon at his place talking, laughing, smoking weed, and making the worst cheese toasties ever. That same afternoon he met Sonja, the boy's girlfriend and thought nothing could ever happen. He was crushed.

But then, there was the kosegruppa pre-party when the boy looked intensely back at him while making out with Sonja and then almost kissed him in the kitchen after everyone had left the Kollektiv.

Isak was torn, torn between the excitement, the profound hope that this ghost of a kiss gave him, and the guilt of lying to his friends, especially to Jonas, and to know that Sonja was still in the picture.

But all those doubts were washed away the night of Halloween when Isak and the boy jumped into the clear water of a stranger's inside pool and shared their first kiss. For the first time in months, Isak felt freed from all the worries and the sadness he was carrying about his family breaking apart, his mother's illness, the secret he was keeping from his friends about himself.

Everything was silent. Nothing else, nobody else mattered at that moment. There was only him, and this boy. Oh, and also a little girl who screamed at the top of her lungs when she found them in her pool.

The following weekend was the happiest time of Isak's life.

He spent almost two entire days locked in his room cuddling and kissing that boy he fell so hard for and thought he could never have. They talked and kissed for hours, bathed in the light of a beautiful sunny day, high on weed and burgeoning love.

When the boy met him in the school locker room a few days later and told him he broke up with Sonja after telling her about him, he felt like his heart would burst in his chest. He couldn't believe that this was really happening, that he finally had a chance at love and happiness. He was going to talk to Jonas, Magnus and Mahdi, he was going to come out to his friends and finally start living as his true self. No more lies, no more pretending.

He started by coming out to his roommate Eskild, knowing he would never judge him for that. He felt like a weight had been taken off his shoulders. He could now talk to Jonas and his friends and everything would be fine, he was sure of it.

But then...

The boy texted him, telling him things were happening too fast, that he needed time. That he was sorry. Isak didn't understand, he was confused and angry. But later that night when he saw the boy at Emma's house party, when he saw him with Sonja, kissing her, he felt like his all world was crumbling down. He felt used, betrayed, heartbroken.

He couldn't sleep anymore, he barely ate. Seeing him at school was utter torture.

At first, he looked at Isak with sad and sorry eyes, sometimes he even seemed like he was going to come up and talk to him but it would have been too hard and painful for Isak. So he looked away and left every time he was near.

Soon they both avoided each other but Isak could always feel his presence linger somewhere in the school, the cafeteria, that bench outside where they talked for the first time, the locker room, the yard where Isak once looked at him walking toward his friends and suddenly it was like he was moving in slow motion...

Jonas and all his friends were worried about him. He told them his mother was unwell, that he struggled with school, with paying rent, that he missed his family... Which was in part true, but he couldn't tell them what happened and it ate him up inside.

It was only the following year, when the boy graduated and left school that Isak felt like he could breathe again. His heart was not mended but he felt like he could begin to move on.

He eventually came out to Jonas and his friends. Jonas proved again he was the best friend anyone could have, Madhi was totally chill as always, and Magnus, well... was Magnus. He cried in excitement, squeezed Isak in his arms and soon began asking him a million embarrassing questions.

But he never told them about _ him _.

After that he began dating boys, had a couple of relationships that lasted for a while, lots of more or less satisfying hookups. He eventually felt like he had moved on, even if he could never forget that boy.

\---

But all of this was shattered by this sound.

This laugh.

His laugh.

He felt it resonate in every single one of his bones, felt the wound of his broken heart reopen instantly and all of a sudden he couldn't breathe, everything around him was silent. Except for that laugh.

He was brought back when he felt Jonas grabbing his arms and heard him say :

“Wait, Isak, wasn't this guy at Nissen for a while ? I could swear it was that guy who transferred for his last year. You know, Magnus was all jealous because Vilde kept talking about how handsome and mysterious he was ! How did she get to know him again ? … Oh yes ! That stupid kosegruppa she tried to make all us join ! Ha ha ha ! Do you remember ?”

Isak listened to Jonas' ramble, completely petrified.

“But wait, you went to kosegruppa that time you hid Mahdi's stuff at Eva's and Sana blackmailed you into joining. Didn't you guys get to know each other ? What was his name again ?”

Isak couldn't speak, couldn't bring himself to say his name.

“Well, Liv chipped in, it is written here in the program ! It says it is a certain Even Bech Næsheim, ring any bell ?”

_ Even _.

With the simple mention of this name, everything came rushing back to him and he felt like this was already too overwhelming when Even looked away from the people he was talking with and directly into Isak's eyes.

His smile fell instantly, his pale porcelain skin suddenly blushed. He looked shaken, like he had seen a ghost.

When Isak saw him moving toward where he was standing he couldn't take it anymore, quickly excused himself to the group, telling Jonas he had a sudden headache and before his friend could say anything, he disappeared in the crowd and rushed toward the theater lobby.

Isak was heading toward the doors when he heard a voice behind him that stopped him in his tracks. 

“Isak, wait !”

It was like he couldn't control his own body. As much as he wanted to run away as far as possible from him, he found himself turning around and soon, he was facing Even.

“Isak... I...”

For years Isak had thought about what he would do if he ever was to see Even again, he imagined countless scenarios, and thought about what he would say to him, how he would express how angry he was, how much Even had hurt him, how he made it impossible for Isak to give his broken heart to anybody else after what he did to him.

But he wasn't able to say any of that. He barely managed to compose himself to try and get out of this.

“Even... I didn't know you... Well congratulation for your film it seems to be a big deal to present it here... I'm sorry I... I can't stay but um... congratulations and...”

“Please don't go.”

Isak felt a wave of anger rushing through his body, he wanted to shout at Even “How dare you tell me not to go, you're the one who pushed me away, you're the one who left me !!”

But when he looked into Even's deep blue eyes, he was completely powerless.

“Isak listen, I'm so sorry for what happened between us all those years ago, I was so stupid... I know I hurt you and I've wanted to talk to you so many times, to explain to you... but I couldn't, I just couldn't and I know I was such a coward. But I want you to know… There are a thousand things that I have wanted to tell you...”

“Even, it's too late, I really don't want to go there again. Also this is really not the time or place for this, you have somewhere to be and I... I don't think I can...”

“Yes, ok I understand. We don't have to talk about it, but please will you stay ? I know I am in no position to ask anything from you but please stay for the film and after that, we don't have to speak ever again if you don't want to.”

Even grabbed Isak's wrist, looked at him with pleading eyes and Isak felt all his will melt away.

“Okay, fine. I'll stay.”

"Yeah? Ok, good. Well, I have to go back, get ready for the screening but… Thank you."

Even went back inside the cinema and Isak stayed a moment alone in the lobby, wondering what the hell he was doing, but he just couldn't help himself and soon, he returned to his seat.

"Hey, said Jonas. What happened to you? I thought you left."

"I'm fine, I just needed some fresh air that's all."

"Well, I'm glad you're back for this last movie by our very own fellow Nissen student! I'm really curious to see that, aren't you?"

"Yeah, sure…" Isak huffed, hopping his friend couldn't hear his turmoil.

Just as Isak was composing himself, he saw Even appear on the stage and walk toward the microphone in just a few long and agile steps. Just like the day he saw him walk across the yard of Nissen, Isak felt like everything around him was moving in slow motion. Everything seemed so surreal.

Even stood in the middle of the stage, looking both nervous and excited. He cleared his throat before bending a little bit toward the microphone, being obviously taller than all the persons who gave speeches before him.

"Good evening to you all, my name is Even Bech Næshem, thank you so much for being here today…"

As his speech went on, Even relaxed, he was his smooth and charming self… Isak looked at him intensely, he listened as Even gave his thanks and talked about the filming process and the wonderful crew that worked with him. He was beginning to ask himself again why he was here, why on earth he agreed to stay against his better judgement and had now to endure this, when he heard Even say :

“I onced believed that life was like a film, that one could be the director of their own life. But I was wrong. So many things are out of our control and so many people can affect the course of our life. For better and for worse. One person had an immense impact on my life but I lost him because I wasn’t brave enough, or strong enough to fight everything that came between us. This film is my vision of a parallel universe in which I took control of my life and didn’t let my demons or other people direct it for me. I am so honored to be presenting this film here before you all, this just may be the best night of my life”.

The film began and soon Isak realized that the story that was playing before his eyes was their story. How they looked shyly at each other, their first awkward encounter in the school bathroom, that afternoon in Even’s apartment, their first kiss underwater.

Isak couldn’t breathe, he felt he was so filled with anger he could burst.

How dare he tell their story like that ? How could he use the most painful and humiliating period of Isak’s life and reveal it to the world ? He had no right to turn his heartbreak into a freaking movie !

When it all began to feel too much and Isak was ready to storm off out of the teater, he realized the story got darker. After the locker room scene, “movie Even” lost all of his joy, the sparkle in his eye disappeared to make room to a profound sadness and despair. 

This was the real life moment it all went crashing down and Isak never understood why.

Until now.

Until the truth was revealed to him on the silver screen.

Even was bipolar.

He realized suddenly how that same conversation that filled him with hope and happiness had break Even’s heart. He saw how Even told himself he could never be good to Isak. That he was only going to hurt him and that he should let him go now before they both got irremediably hurt.

He also saw how “movie Sonja” took this opportunity to lure him back to her, to convince him that only she could love and protect him like he needed to be, that what he felt for Isak was not as real as what they had, that this was all in his head, that he needed to come back to his senses and would realize that he should never have give up on them. She told him she forgave him and would always be there for him no matter what.

Isak what completely overwhelmed, his heart shattered. For himself, and for Even.

He couldn’t it take anymore, all that pain and sadness.

And as if Even had felt the same, he began to tell another story. A story that would have taken place in a parallel universe where he didn’t let Sonja’s words poison his mind, where he was brave enough to go back to Isak and explain everything to him, where Isak took him back and accepted him. He gave them their happy ending and even happier ever after.

Everything Isak had ever wanted and dreamt of, what he buried deep inside of him when he thought Even had never loved him like he loved Even. It was all there, just as Even had dreamt it to.

After the last scene, everything faded to black and the title of the film appeared on the screen.

_ Gutten som ikke klarte å holde pusten under vann. _

Isak started laughing or was he crying ? He didn’t really know himself…

He was grateful for the darkness of the room and the noise of the audience clapping or Jonas would have seen his weird breakdown and probably thought he was going insane. When the credits finished rolling, he had been able to compose himself.

“Well, that was pretty good.” said Jonas. “Maybe a bit cheesy at the end, I’m not sure about the happily ever after, it was a bit much… What did you think ?”

“I loved the happy ending” said Isak in a shy smile, feeling new tears coming to his eyes.

“Well, well, well… Isak Valtersen, you knew you were such a romantic ?” Jonas teased him.

“Maybe you don’t know everything about me after all…”

Isak meant to say this jokingly but he could hear his voice crack under the weight of all the secrets he had been keeping from his friend.

“You know you can tell me anything right ? Like the fact that you are actually into cheesy love stories with happy endings... no judgment” Jonas said and winked at Isak, keeping the mood light while reminding his friend he really was there for him.

While everybody walked out of the screening room, Isak excused himself and found a bathroom that was fortunately empty. He splashed some water on his face and breathed deeply until he felt the beating of his heart slowing down a little bit.

When he got out, he listened to the distant voices of people talking and laughing. They were probably analysing what they just saw, and Isak nearly laughed at the absurdity of a room full of strangers discussing whether his very own love story made a good film.

He was on his way to find Jonas again when he heard his name.

“Isak…” it was hesitant, a bit shaky, but there was no mistaking this low raspy voice that sent shivers down Isak’s spine.

He turned around and found Even alone in the darkness of a small corridor, as if he was hiding from the crowd.

“So you stayed…?” Even said almost like he couldn't believe it.

“Even what are you doing here ? People must be expecting you to…”

“I don’t care.” said Even firmly before Isak could finish his sentence. “I don’t care about all those people I… I only needed to see you.”

Suddenly, the strong and confident man Isak saw on stage had vanished. Even seemed shy, nervous and Isak was sure he could see tears in his eyes.

“Even, I’m so sorry, if I had known I would never have said what I said that day. It was stupid and childish and of course I never meant to…”

“I know Isak, I know.” Even came closer, still a little bit hesitant “You have nothing to apologize for. I should never have shut you out like that and decide that I wasn’t good for you, it was weak and selfish of me and I’m really sorry…”

“Then we’re just two sorry idiots” Isak said with a comforting smile.

Even laughed - that beautiful, bewitching laugh - and closed the distance between them. They were not touching but Isak could feel the warmth of Even’s body and smell the musky scent of his skin.

“So…” Even said almost in a whisper, “I told you I was going to make a film about you.”

“Yes, yes you did.”

Without even realizing it, Isak took Even’s hand in his own and began stroking it ever so softly with his thumb.

“What did you think ?” asked Even timidly, blushing under Isak’s touch.

Isak tilted his head up and looked at Even intently.

“I loved it”

They looked in each other’s eyes for what felt like eternity but lasted maybe seconds, they couldn’t tell; and then without saying more, as if they both knew exactly what the other wanted and needed, they leaned towards each other and kissed. It felt like coming home, like their lips and their body remembered exactly how to move together despite all those years apart. It was a deep, passionate kiss, salted by the tears that were rolling down their cheeks. 

They parted their lips and rested their forehead against the others, panting, shaking, their hearts beating in unison.

“I love you Isak, I’ve never stopped loving you.”

“I love you too, always have.”

Even reached to Isak’s face wiping his tears, stroking his cheekbones and his neck softly and lovingly.

“I guess I should make a correction to that speech I gave earlier” said Even teasingly.

“Hm ?”

“This really is the best night of my life.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading ! <3  
Feel free to share your thoughts !
> 
> You can come say hello on [twitter](https://twitter.com/lokkanel) or [tumblr](https://lokkanel.tumblr.com/)  
Much Love  
L.


End file.
